Primus Ex Machina
by TheSealer
Summary: Set in 'Darkest Hour'. Megatron tries to use the Omega Lock to kill Earth. Optimus destroys it to save Earth. But both their actions casted the anger of Primus upon them all. Now their God and Creator has punished all Cybertronians in equal measure. Mercy on Autobots and Decepticons for their sins. Primus has a ironic sense of humor! Universe XI of my Transformers Multiverse.
1. Chapter 1

This is just a simple two-shot that I did for the laughs. It starts off as the more gloomy but still great All that Remains. Enjoy!

* * *

 **Primus Ex Machina**

The Autobots had come to Cybertron and seized the Omega Keys from the Decepticons, as well as securing the Omega Lock. Victory and the resurrection of Cybertron seemed certain for the Autobots!

Until Megatron, Soundwave, Starscream and Knock Out showed up holding Jack, Rafael and Miko hostages in pods. The Decepticons demanded a trade; the children for the Omega Keys. The Autobots reluctantly accepted and in a few minutes, the tide turned again in favor of the warmongers.

"Why rule one world, when I can rule two." Megatron revealed his master plan to cyberform Earth and a new Cybertron.

Optimus Prime watched with a growing dread in his Spark as the Omega Lock fired a beam of cybermater into the spacebridge vortex.

"No."

"If the Omega Lock can restore Cybertron, it will do the same to Earth, right?" Miko asked hopefully. There was an undertone of fear in her voice; fear that her belief was wrong.

"No." Optimus answered, ruefully. "It will cyberform your planet in favor of its new matrix. Destroying all indigenous life in the process."

"Such raw power!" Megatron marvelled. "What should I call my new domain? New Kaon? Or perhaps, Killed-Earth?" he added derisively, wanting to torment the children.

It worked, as Optimus looked at them, shouting in desperation:

"No!"

"Leave our planet alone!"

The Decepticons laughed maniacally at their triumph.

Enough!

Optimus shifted his arm into a blade and sliced the two Vehicons holding him. The Prime ran for the Star Saber and turned against the Decepticons. Megatron roared and ran to meet him, Dark Star Saber in hand.

The two mighty blades met, the shockwave wreaked pushed them back. But Optimus was faster and sliced off Megatron's sword hand, the arm he had stolen from Zeta Prime's desecrated tomb.

" _Rest in peace, noble one._ " Optimus thought, giving the arm of the old Prime one last sideways look.

Dodging fire from Megatron's three lieutenants, Optimus jumped on Starscream's face and prepared to deal a finishing blow to the control panel of the Omega Lock. He knew this could mean the end of Cybertron. But the Autobots had already lost one home, they would not lose another.

This was for all of them.

The Star Saber didn't destroy the controls. The impacting energies of both artifacts of the Ancients did in fact triggered an explosion that blew all around the panel away. Only Optimus remained unfazed.

The Omega Lock was destroyed. The large structure now a smoldering wreckage. Optimus walked towards his Autobots, who looked with mixed emotions to what their leader just did. It was time to call Ratchet to bring them home.

They had survived and prevented Megatron from becoming victorious. But this was, by no means, a victory for them.

" **INFIDELIS!** "

The world trembled at that wrathful growl. The smoke and fire was blown off and Autobots and Decepticons could then clearly see each other. Megatron was still debilitated but getting up with reinvigorated fury. The only thing that prevented a renewed battle was the trembling soil and the thundering skies.

Cybertron was infuriated!

"Optimus!" Arcee and the others ran towards him. They had the foresight of retrieving the Apex Armor and all the other weapons the Decepticons forced them to surrender. "Are you alright?"

"I am fine." he drew back the Star Saber. "Are the children unharmed?"

"Hanging tight, boss bot." Miko sighed.

"Sir, what have you done?" Bulkhead's voice held no accusation, but a ton of regret as he looked at the wrecked Omega Lock.

"There was no time for a prolonged battle, Bulkhead; not with Earth in imminent danger. I did what was necessary."

Bumblebee beeped suddenly, pointing at the sky. The clouds were spinning together like a hurricane was forming.

"By the AllSpark." Starscream, a few ways away, whispered. He stood besides the recovering Megatron, whom was attended closely by Knock Out. The Autobots were so close and a perfect target for annihilation. But these bizarre events were sending vibes down every Cybertronian's spinal strut. Something _bad_ was about to happen.

" **Infidelis!** " the voice thundered again, coming from the revolving clouds.

"Who speaks?" Megatron bellowed. Lightning was the response, an angry one.

" **You have dared to anger he who has given life to the Well!** " the voice sounded with godly might.

The Cybertronians on both sides glared at the clouds with gasps, shock and awe. Even Megatron was stunned. Soundwave's face remained hidden but his restless pose indicated wariness. Optimus' concealed mouth was wide open.

"Guys," Raf asked. "what's going on?"

"It's…" Optimus started but never finished.

"Epic." Smokescreen sighed in absolute mesmerising.

The clouds began to take a colossal vaguely humanoid shape, setting its 'feet' on the ground besides the ruins.

"Primus!" Arcee shrieked. "It's Primus!"

The clouds formed a giant Cybertronian-like being. Compared to him - it looked like a mech - even Optimus and Megatron barely reached his heels. His body was bathed in light. Every molecules in the titan's body swelled with the power of creation. But also with terrible, white hot anger.

"Who's that?" Raf asked, quite scared.

"The Creator. Primus." Optimus answered.

" **Optimus Prime!** " Primus summoned him and the Autobot leader took a tentative step forward. It was disconcerting to see the stoick, assertive Prime act shy and nervous. " **How dare you to destroy the Omega Lock, the most sacred of relics upon this world?** "

"Great One," Optimus appealed. "There was no moment in which I did not regret my actions as much as this time. My actions were a tragedy and an insult of the highest order. But you, who graciously love all life, who are its very creator, know that your sacred relic was being used for destruction.

"That didn't make my actions any less sinful, notwithstanding. It only made them necessary."

Maybe it was Optimus' humility or the fact that he was the last Prime chosen by the God. But Primus anger was slightly - just slightly - mollified.

On the sidelines, the Decepticons observed with interest. Megatron smirked at the sight of his mortal enemy being scolded like a misbehaving protoform. That was, until Primus turned his scolding optics to the tyrant.

" **Megatron, you have spread pestilence, famine, death and war upon this world. And instead of using the Omega Lock to cleanse those sins, you employ it to destroy another planet.** "

"Creator," Megatron assumed a non-characteristic humble pose. He was after all, talking with he who gave him life in the first place. "I was merely trying to make this world and all your children to reach greatness again. Our oppressive system was rotten and held us back. I had to destroy it so we could set ourselves free.

"As for the war, I regret the destruction as any other of my brethren. It was a terrible thing indeed, but there was no other choice. All because of the autocrat Optimus Prime," Megatron casted a malevolent eye to his nemesis. "who wanted to stop me from giving freedom to all corners of Cybertron."

How typical of you, Megatron. Leave it for you to pin the blame on someone else, while Optimus admits his own. Primus didn't buy it.

The skies thundered with renewed ire. Primus glowered and the wind blew stronger, the soil threatened to split apart. Megatron had just angered an angry god even further. Ouch!

" **This conflict has turned you all into soldiers of Unicron! Warmongering titans bring destruction wherever you stomp on! The punishment shall then be both your sentence and your correction!** "

Primus spread his arms and the light became too blinding for eye or optic to take it.

Mercy on Autobots and Decepticons for their sins.

* * *

When Optimus rebooted, he was most surprised to find himself back at Outpost Omega One, lying on the hard concrete floor. It took him a klik for every memory to reach his processor. The battle for the Omega Lock, the appearance of Primus and the God's wrath.

"Optimus!" he heard Ratchet's voice calling him. He got up to see his Autobots doing the same, Ratchet included. Eventhough he had been on Earth during the ill-fated mission, Primus' sentence may have also affected him. Whatever it has been.

"Uh! That hurt." Bulkhead massaged his head. Bumblebee beeped in agreement.

"Where are the children?" Optimus noticed none of the guardians had the containment pods with them.

"Right here." they turned around to see the most astonishing revelation of this already insane, twist-filled day.

"BY THE ALLSPARK!" Ratchet was nigh hysterical. "Just what is going on here?! First everyone returns from Cybertron like by magical means, the children included. And now, _this_!"

Bumblebee beeped and Raf awoke from his stupefied glare at the radical change the Autobots suffered:

"Wow. Bee, nothing has happened to us. _You_ 're the ones who changed."

"This is just plain weird...and super-cool!" Miko grinned.

* * *

Next and final chapter will explain everything and bring an end to the Autobot-Decepticon war. Also Megatron last act as leader of the Decepticons will be to appear rather stupid.


	2. Chapter 2

In all his million-year-long life, Optimus Prime had seen many strange, horrifying and astonishing things. He had shared a vision with the Thirteen original Primes, received the Matrix of Leadership from the very Spark of Primus himself and saw Cybertron dying by the War to save it.

And less than a solar cycle ago, Optimus added one more spectacular event to the list. Primus appeared before Autobots and Decepticons, angered by the conduct of both factions and punished them all accordingly.

Now the Autobots were back on their base with the children. A place both equipped to the giant robots and diminutive humans. Except now the _humans_ were the _giants_. Or rather, the Autobots were the _dwarves_.

"What in the name of Primus is going on?!" Ratchet's hysteria brought the Prime out of his musings.

"Guys, we didn't grew giant. You guys just...well, shrunk." Raf explained awkwardly.

"Oh, you think so?" Ratchet replied sarcastically.

It was true. Now the Autobots could barely reach Jack's and Miko's knees, except for Optimus. All Autobots had shrunk in scale according to their relative sizes, so Optimus continued to be the tallest.

"Primus." Optimus sighed. "The Creator did this."

Everyone turned to him. "Remember what the Creator said: _'Warmongering titans bring destruction wherever you stomp on. The punishment shall then be both your sentence and your correction._ '. This is what he did to all of us."

"But why?"

"Because," Arcee responded to the CMO. "We had to fight the Decepticons for the Omega Lock. They used Jack, Miko and Raf as a bargaining chips for the Omega Keys. But when Megatron used the Lock to cyberform Earth…" she paused, like trying to chew something unpleasant. "...Optimus, destroyed the Omega Lock."

Ratchet's stunned glare went from the two-wheeler to the Prime. He nearly lost his footing but Bulkhead grabbed him.

"Optimus, how could you?"

"I did what was necessary, Ratchet."

The medic sighed despairingly and dropped his gaze. When he looked back up, he inquired. "That still doesn't explain...why would Primus do this?"

"Primus was...angry that Optimus destroyed the Lock, but even angrier for Megatron starting the war and using the Lock to threaten Earth. So he... _shrunk_ us." she said the last part awkwardly.

"Not just us." Optimus put in. "If I am not mistaken, Primus has casted the same sentence upon the…"

A beeping cut him off and Agent Fowler's face flashed in the computer. "Prime! The Pentagon...Where's Prime? Where are the 'Bots?" he looked around to see only the kids.

"They're right here, Agent F." Miko pointed down to the miniaturized 'Bots. Fowler squinted and approached his face to the screen, his breath blurring it.

"Listen kids, now is not the time for joking around!"

"Agent Fowler." Optimus stepped forward, grabbing the attention of the man, who looked astonished to the 'toy' robot.

"Prime?! Lady Liberty's molle! What has happened to you?"

"A tale for another time. What seems to be the emergency?"

Fowler would certainly demand an explanation later. "Maybe you should step outside and see for yourselves."

"Ratchet, watch the children."

"Nuh-uh!" Miko protested. "How is the doc supposed to 'watch us' when even Raf can carry him on his back?"

"No offense, Optimus, but maybe _we_ should watch _you_ guys." Jack stated, trying to be tactful. "With your... _size_ problem and everything." Optimus took a second to relent.

* * *

Using the platform as an elevator, the 'Bots and the kids got outside where Fowler was landing his helicopter. The sound of whirring blades slowly died out when the man joined them. He couldn't help but eye the 'Bots with utter bewilderment. Before he could ask again what had happened, Optimus declared grimly:

"Megatron has managed to accomplish the first phase of his cyberforming of Earth: the construction of his fortress."

Indeed, a giant tower-like obelisk stood arrogantly in the desert. Its peak reached the clouds, like trying to stab the sky.

"In Jasper, Nevada? I don't get it. I've already had the town evacuated. Why here?"

Bumblebee buzzed and pointed. **"There's your answer.** "

The Nemesis descended from the cloudy sky and faced them, hovering just before the tower.

"Because the Decepticons have discovered the location of our base."

"Perfect! Now we have to fight the Decepticons like _this_!" Ratchet exasperated.

"Guys, doesn't the warship looks kinda... _unscaled_ with the fortress?" Miko squinted, taking a picture of the scene.

"'Unscale' is not a word." Raf said.

* * *

"Our opportunity to revive Cybertron has been lost, due to the treachery of Optimus Prime! But from our mega-fortress of New Kaon, we will instead seize control of this world! Decepticons, transform and rise up!" Megatron, with his original arm hastily restored, shouted into the heavens.

"I thought he'd never ask!" Starscream was amongst the first to run and take off, followed by an army of Seeker Vehicons.

"Come, my armada! Attack! Attack! Attack!" the Autobots were nowhere to be seen, probably hiding inside like cowards. Starscream would have smirked if he had a face now. "We will bury those miserable Autobots under the rubble of their own base!"

As the armada drew nearer, the Commander noticed the top of the mountain wasn't necessarily empty. There stood four humans, the three pets and the weakling agent liaison.

"Oh, this just keeps getting better." he chuckled with malevolent mirth. "Incinerate those insects!"

The armada unleashed all their fire upon the hapless humans. A few strange things began to catch Starscream's attention from that point on. Everything including their new fortress looked so...bizarrely enlarged.

As the armada neared the humans they saw their fire was having no impact on them. But that wasn't the biggest shock. For the closer they got to their would-be victims, now they saw beyond the optical illusion.

"WHAT THE SCRAP!? The humans have grown!" he cried out in panic. "Retreat, retreat!"

The armada began to turn tail, but one stubborn human would have none of it. She leaped high and grabbed the escaping Commander in mid-air.

"Gotcha, Screamer!" Miko grinned at the mini-jet trapped in her hand. Starscream direct all his power to his jets, but Miko wouldn't let him flee.

"Let me go, you gigantic abominal freak!" his shout sounded more like a whimper.

"No can do, Screamy." her grin enlarged. He transformed and tried to shoot at her, but Miko saw that coming and pinned his arms tightly.

"Hey, Scream!" Bulkhead called out from ground-level to the 'Con held by his human partner. "How does it feel, up there?"

"Blasted humans and Autobots! What are you going to do with me?"

"Oh, I need to think about that." Miko said in mock-thinking. "Y'know, during exams I bite the tip of my pen while thinking of making up answers. How about I give it a try now?" she gave him a savage smirk.

"No, no, no, NO!" Starscream cried out as Miko slowly and deliberately opened her mouth and began to gnaw at the head of the unfortunate Seeker. Human teeth were not hard enough to break Cybertronian metal, but she could make dents. Not to mention the treatment was painful and disgusting.

"I actually feel sorry for Starscream." Jack whispered to Arcee, whom he carried in his hands.

"I don't." she retorted, listening to Starscream's screams impassively.

"Ditto that." Bulkhead agreed with her.

The Universe just loves to put Starscream through horrible, painful situations.

Meanwhile, Fowler started up his chopper.

"Agent Fowler, what are you doing?" Optimus asked.

"My job, Prime. This is time to show _Megatiny_ what happens when the shoe is on the human foot. From what my instruments tell me, the 'Cons flying tube is the size of a truck now. I can go toe to toe with that."

"Agent Fowler, even if the Nemesis is a smaller target, its batteries are Cybertronian technology. That array of weaponry is far too numerous and diverse for you alone to take out. You will require our assistance." it was indeed an amazing feat that, even standing about two feet tall, Optimus Prime kept that air of authority you can't think of defying.

"Okay, hop on."

"Hell yeah! Group assault!"

"No, Miko." Optimus adverted. "In spite of this change of circumstances, you remain children and are not to participate in any battle."

Miko pouted but even she couldn't disobey when the Optimus gave her the 'Prime' look.

"Alright fine." she pouted.

"And don't think about sneaking in." Fowler helped the Autobots, sans Ratchet, into the helicopter.

"Keep Scream on a leash, Miko." Bulkhead gave her a thumbs-up.

"I plan to." she smirked sinisterly to the squirming Seeker in her hand.

"Good luck, guys." Raf waved.

"Kick Megatron's can for good." Jack bid.

"And return alive." Ratchet sighed.

* * *

Back on the landing strip of the Nemesis, Megatron was hearing the reports of flying, hysterical Vehicons.

"What do you mean Starscream was captured by titanic humans?!" he bellowed. "Are your optics malfunctioning?"

"Master, I assure you we have all seen it. Commander Starscream was captured by one of the giant humans." the leader Vehicon backed down from the raging silver mech.

"Enough with your foolishness!"

Soundwave beeped an alarm and pointed to their target.

"What now?" Megatron grunted impatiently. His optics (and the optics of all other Decepticons) widened in shock when Fowler's helicopter came near the warship. At far sight, the human aircraft looked relatively normal. Until it came close enough for the 'Cons to realize what was wrong with its gigantic size.

"Optimus!" Megatron shouted, spotting his arch-nemesis flying with the human. Shock passed, he roared to his army. "All hands, assume battle stations. Bring down that oversized human garbage!"

The Vehicons took flight and circled the helicopter like angry bees. Those bold enough to get inside were taken out by the 'Bots. Those who attacked outside did only small wounds. But even a bear would fall when stung too many times.

"Ah, nuts! They hit our rotor blades. We're losing altitude! Damn metal flies!"

"Agent Fowler, get us on top of the warship. " Optimus urged. The chopper was hovering the warship, smoking in several places. The Autobots leaped off the helicopter and landed in the landing strip. Megatron called off the drones to ignore the human aircraft and focus on the Autobots.

A very much typical fight erupted. Autobots outnumbered but still taking out drones like they always do. Megatron enraged for this planned attack to destroy the Autobot base had turned around, charged at his rival with a wild roar. Prime and warlord crossed swords.

"I will send you into the Pit, Optimus!" he growled.

"You will _try_ , Megatron."

"Look out below!" the two rivals looked up shocked to see Fowler coming down, after jumping off the out-of-control helicopter. The man landed on the Nemesis, making the ship shake like an earthquake. Optimus avoided being crushed but Megatron wound up pinned down by the man's foot.

"Wow, how about for you next trip make the ship explode with us inside?" Arcee growled, having escaped falling over because Bumblebee held her.

"Hey I like a good entrance. Besides my ride was toasted." he pointed to the chopper spinning madly and crushing into a the fortress.

"GET OFF OF ME, YOU INSECT!" Megatron roared, optics flashing purple with undiluted rage.

"Have you looked yourself in the mirror, Megachum?"

"Fowler, whatch out!" Bulkhead's heads up was just in time, for Soundwave came flying behind the man aiming for his neck. The agent ducked and narrowly avoided getting impaled in the neck. In the process he swatted Soundwave off course with a fist. The silent chief of communications crash-landed by the man's feet, in stasis.

"And that is how you down a drone." the Autobots looked at him quizzingly. "Oh, come on, that was funny."

Megatron couldn't believe his fortune. Not only he and his lieutenants, for the first time in history, had been apprehended, but also by a human! If someone had previously told him this was his fate, he would have laughed and then killed them. Looking up to his foes and his predicament, he would be better off dead.

"I hate humans!" he growled.

THE END


End file.
